I don't know how people do it, got married and stay in love with each other.
How in the world does the married couple can be all lovey dovey with each other?
My husband and I are like two people ready to kill one another when we are in argument.
I think that guy secretly hate me.
Wednesday, 14 February 2018
Feeling rather blue today.
Truth is I am feeling tired, since and at 8 am in the morning! After few days I did not prepare anything for the girls for breakfast, today I am feeling all guilty and go whipped some lempeng! Lempeng je pun! Tapi lempeng kan renyah sikit kena selalu dekat dengan kuali and such. Perut dah mengeras pagi -pagi ni, Braxton Hicks! Selalu sangat Braxton Hicks ni, especially late in the afternoon.. tak tahann T_T. Made me wanna sleep pagi-pagi ni.
I actually have this nagging feeling inside me that I don't excel at work, that I don't achieve much at work. My workplace is quite the old fashioned workplace, knowing its background as one of the Islamic organisation. The culture here is that if you want to be noticed, you gotta talk your ass off. I mean seriously mencapub and talk, and talking and voicing out opinion is not something I am good at. So when I asked for an upgrade from the boss, he could not justify my performance, whom he said I did not being recognized by other Head of Division. This was 2 years ago, and after that I just don't bother to ask for it anymore. I mean for God sake, I asked for upgrading from grade 1 executive to grade 2 executive, and yet I need to impress other bosses as well. Totally unrelated. And I hate it here to have that stupid culture. I bukan nak jadi manager or some sort pun nak kena impress boss org lain, duh.
So honestly when I see my ex collagues from my previous workplace is now working with various FIs and whatnot, some in Stan Chart, RHB, EXIM etc, I have this feeling that I can actually do better than this. That I can actually earn more.
However few days ago I saw one of my ex colleague posting something on her insta story- something like pergi kerja gelap, balik kerja oso gelap-on how she is feeling guilty for the kids. Then it kinda hit me that I am actually lucky to be working 5 minutes away from my house. That I can actually see the sunlight when I leave the house for work, and I can very much see sun when I go back after work. Then I remembered that the reason I slightly changed my line of work is because I dont want to work in bank! I also dont want to work in KL - due to having small kids and all.
My pay also not so low and not so high either. Cukup la orang kata. Ada bonuses and other benefit as well. Rezeki lain pun murah. So nikmat apa yang kau nak dustakan?
But tu lah, sometimes I can't help feeling like I am in the black hole. I can't climb the wall and just gonna stuck here forever.
Monday, 12 February 2018
So I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with our third child.
Trust me when I say getting pregnant at the age of 30s is no fun at all. I feel tired all the time, and I have this condition of laying low placenta, which probably makes me feel even more tired and heavy down there.
I think my belly has grown so big within a week, from not obvious that I am pregnant suddenly now it look like that I am about to due anytime soon.
And I feel the hot pregnancy flush now, like when I am typing this, I am sweating because apparently the air conditioner is not blowing hard enough to cover my needs.
I honestly can't wait to have my long maternity leave - I hope by the time I deliver my baby in May our HR has approved the 3 months maternity leave - if still not approved I wouldn't mind taking a month of unpaid maternity leave.
So lazy lah to work nowadays. Like your mind has focused on only one thing- which is the baby and nothing else matters.
I am now busy planning and preparing for the girls room. The girls are currently still sleeping with us, so it's about time for them to sleep on their own beds and room. Already purchased/ordered the beds and the mattress yesterday, curtain will probably ready by this weekend, wallpaper I'm still searching for a good deal.
Panas hoih. Peluh-peluh taip ni. *Bangun pergi kuatkan ekon.
Sekarang I mengidam Apple Watch dengan wallet LV lah. Ada sesapa nak layankan kemengidaman i tak. hiks
Friday, 3 November 2017
Lama sudah kutinggalkan space ini. Hajatnya mau berplatform kan tumblr tapi disana macam tidak semangat mahu menulis.
Di petang Jumaat yang damai ini, aku menulis dalam kegelapan. Semua team aku tiada, boss keluar meeting di luar, sorang ikut, sorang cuti, sorang mengular. Jadi aku malas nak buka lampu, duduk diam-diam dalam gelap dengan laptop yang bersinar-sinar hehe.
Ini buktinya. Haha.
Sampai perlukan bukti?
Hidup macam mana? Hidup macam ni lah. Beli sebuah rumah recently. Rumah subsale sahaja, rumah di atas angin. Di Shah Alam ni rumah atas angin je aku mampu. Beli pun menggunakan duit peninggalan arwah ayah sebagai deposit. Bukan ayah tinggalkan sejelepuk duit, tidak, tapi ayah tinggalkan tanah, due to some reason aku jual tanah tu.
Anak? Masih dua hehe. Mungkin jap lagi jadi 3. Mungkin la, with Allah's will, anything is possible. Amna dah 5 tahun, Maysa dah 3 tahun. Both are such a doll, but sometimes menggeramkan juga perangai hehs.
Ok lah, bye.